It feels like that’s what I should rename my blog. I feel like I have changed a lot. I have tried to do things differently. I am no longer completely stuck in one spot and too lazy/unmotivated to do anything about it. I am now actively trying to figure out how to get to where I want to go, which makes me feel like I am no longer that lazy bored girl that would write depressing posts for no one to read.
However, I won’t rename my blog.
I will however tell you that the reason I feel like I should rename my blog “A Lone Girl Blogs” is because of my birthday coming up in less than 2 months.
If you follow me on twitter or tumblr, you will know that I will be turning 25 next year and that I want to go away for my birthday. When I am 25, I want to either go to Disney World or Vegas. I don’t know why those two places in particular, well Disney World because I feel like 25 = grown up and all I want is to have a break from adulthood and be a kid again. Also, if you follow me, you will know that I want to CHOOSE to be alone on my birthday.
You see, I have always had a feeling that I will be alone for my entire life. I feel like next year I should learn to embrace it. I have already learned to smile for myself and not others but I think it’s time for me to just accept that I will be alone. I have tried and it’s gotten to a point where I don’t think my heart can take it anymore. I never thought I had trust issues and always assumed it was commitment issues but it’s a little bit of both. I don’t trust that anyone will ever be there for me, I feel like everyone I love will always leave me and that’s why I have always left before they could leave me. This is why, next year I will learn to accept the fact that I am alone and I will be ok.
I feel like next year is going to be an important year for me.